I was thinking today as I harassed my children to get ready for school, am I a micromanager? I feel like I assign tasks, and have to stay to make sure the task gets done. I know from past experience that if I'm not there or constantly reminding them nothing gets done! I'm a bit fed up with it! What am I doing wrong? I would love to be able to just ask them to get dressed and they actually do it! Or even do it without being asked!!!!!! That would seriously be a miracle if that happened! I've tried outlining a routine of what needs to be done in the morning (it is laminated and hanging on their wall). But do they even look at it? No Way!!! We've stopped doing our chores in the morning, cause it is a chore in and of itself to get dressed, make lunches, and eat breakfast. Not to mention get shoes and socks on! Oh as you call tell by my rantings and ravings it has been one of those days, heck one of those school years! (And we've only been in for 11 days!)
So, tell me my blogging friends or stalkers, what can I do? Advice, I need advice!!! I don't want to micromanage, I want my children to be independent, self starters who stick with a job and get it done. Or am I mistaken and Mom and micromanager are one and the same. Give me some insight into my world!
(your definition of micromanager might not fit with mine, but for the sake of this post and how I was feeling this morning, deal with it!)
12 comments:
Good luck and get used to it! I'm still doing it and my oldest is now 14!!
Hey Sarah-cousing Kellie here. It was great to see you guys a couple of weeks ago. That little Grace is such a doll!
Not having any children of my own but having watched plenty over the years, children not doing as they are asked can get frustrating. As I've watched kids I've thought the same thing, that if I don't stand there and watch then nothing gets done. The best advice I can offer is to come up with consequences and be prepared to follow through on a consistant basis. A "3 strikes and you're out policy" so to speak. Ask them to get dressed and walk away-allowing them to feel like mom doesn't hound me to get dressed. Then come back and if it's not done then that's one, twice more of asking and then a consequence of no fun kicks in. I also sometimes have to remind myself to ask them to do things instead of barking out orders. Sterling and use this 3 strikes your out tactic with our Primary kids and it works quite well.
Good luck and hope this helps. :) The joys of motherhood right...
We have a list too. I started a point system. They can earn obedience points by getting their stuff done in the morning. If they forget something or I have to micromanage too much--no points. They also earn points for reverence at church and during prayers and general obedience. When they hit a certain point value they earn a prize (One Star Wars Galactic Hero). It seems to be helping and only time will tell if it is a long term help.
All I can say is that you are not alone, Sarah. We have all at one point or another gone through the same problem. Your kids are, sad to say it, normal. We have the malinated morning chore chart as well. It pretty much gets ignored. 80) But when they are on task they get rewards and when I have to repeat myself too much they have to accept those consequences as well. Don't give up, you are not micromanaging them you are mom managing them and eventually the message does get through. I have to believe this or I might run from the house screaming. LOL
I like to refer to myself as a broken record. I just keep repeating and repeating...somehow my pleading goes unheard or unanswered! Aren't you glad you have a blog to vent on??
Seems like the same thing happens at my house. It must not be too uncommon! If you figure out something that works let me know!
It's called "Parenting with Love and Logid." The problem is, you are making their problems your problems. Call me, I have lots of suggestions!
I have tried everything! But yet we still struggle in the morning with our routine. My kids have a schedule that they follow in the morning, but the boys end up just playing around half the time! It's frustrating and some mornings I send them out the door yelling. My goal this year is no yelling as they go out the door. I want them to have a good feeling as they leave for school. We'll see what happens.
Not that I have the answers either, but I get this email every once in a while from "house of Order". The Woman who does it is LDS and had books and speaks at Education week, etc. I really liked how she taught the kids how to do stuff. Not sure what book or what, but.....
Give them fewer choices of what to wear. Maybe it is overwhelming to get dressed because they have a hard time knowing what to put on. Other things that work for me are, don't come downstairs for breakfast until you are dressed and your bed is made....maybe they don't get breakfast...it's a hard lesson but it may work. If all else fails, just let them go to school in their pj's ;)
It might help to do a before bed-time routine where they set out their stuff for in the morning. When we do this our morning go so much better. Also as tiff mentioned having a reward system worked great for me as a kid. Just make sure they meet the requirements or they will miss that great life-lesson. Biggest thing that might sound too simple, keep praying about it.
I say let them play, and if they aren't ready or fed by the time it's time to go, then they are SOL!! Maybe they will get made fun of for only having one sock on, or having messy hair etc. or they will be starved, but hey, you tried, and maybe next time they will be more willing to make more of an effort. Anyway, I have tagged you on my blog (you can thank Stacey who tagged me). we'll have to get the boys together soon!!
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